JB School

Tomorrow I'll be giving an impromptu speech in my Speech class. According to the instruction, the impromptu speech is supposed to be more of a way of segueing from a random phrase or question to a prepared speech. We'll see how the segue part of the equation works out, but I thought it might be appropriate to share the rough version of that speech with you folks.

"xxx makes me think about marriage. Actually, pretty much anything makes me think about marriage right now, as I've just gotten engaged. The point is, I've been thinking a lot about what marriage means to me. I've been married once before, actually, a little over a decade ago, but I've come to realize that what marriage meant to me then isn't what it means to me now.

People get married for a variety of reasons; some get married for family, some get married for religion, some for legal reasons, some just do it because they're in love. The first time I got married, it could have been said to be a combination of the last two. I was in California in the Navy at the time, met a girl, fell madly in love, and had to ship out back to Japan a month later. Things happened quickly, and we ended up eloping just to get things done fast enough to matter. We spent half an hour in filling paperwork and saying 'I do' in black jeans and T-shirts. I headed back to Japan, and Jessie came over with the Navy's blessing a month later.

At the time, marriage represented a way for me to keep Jessie in my life, and to show her that I cared enough to do so. Our relationship was very intense, and I knew, without reservation, that this was what I wanted to do. There was no pressure from family, friends, or church - no one knew what was going on but us. I'd seen a lot of friends in boot camp get married to one another just for the benefits; for those that aren't aware, Uncle Sam doles out a lot more if you have a wife or husband - your tax dollars at work. That wasn't it either, although it did make some things easier, later. At the basic level, this was a way for her and I to become 'us', forever, no more and no less. As it turns out, due to a number of very tragic circumstances, forever lasted about three years - she passed away on January 24th, 2001, and a very big part of that 'us' died then too.

I've spent a lot of time working through that, both on my own, with the help of professionals, and with friends. Anyone who has lost someone will tell you that you never really get over the loss, but you can learn to cope with it to some extent. A couple of years after Jessie passed, I met someone new, Eden. In a matter of months she became one of my best friends, and we ended up sharing a lot of things - feelings, thoughts, wishes, or just whatever was on our mind at the time. A lot of what we talked about was Jessie; what she meant to me, what I did wrong, what I did right, what I'd do differently. Eden really helped me to rebuild my self image into a person I can stand to be, and even like sometimes.

Our relationship has matured in fits and spurts over the years; most of the time we haven't been sure ourselves where we fit on the relationship scale, although we've known that we've cared immensely for each other from the start. Out of the six or so years we've known each other, we've probably been a formal 'couple' for perhaps three of those years, and we've been pretty happy at that level.

Recently I've decided to go back to school, and to transfer to OIT in Klamath Falls in September, to get a degree in Medical Imaging and start a new career. I can honestly say that 90% of that decision is because of Eden, although I'm not making that choice just for her. What I mean is that she's helped me to find a dream again, a vision of what I want my life to be. That's why I've asked her to marry me, and why my definition of marriage is different now. Marriage doesn't just mean 'us' together, it doesn't just mean showing her how much I care. It means a future together, a merging of our families and a family of our own some day. Marriage is a way of declaring that the future has meaning, has hope, and that we can't wait to get there."

Update: Just finished giving the speech - turns out I was the first one up; no pressure there. I got an easy word to work with: school, which was easy to work into the introduction. It's amazing to me how much your perception of time warps when you're in front of a class. I originally clocked the speech above at 3.5 minutes when practicing it, not counting working in the word given, which seemed about right for a speech that was supposed to be 3 to 5 minutes. The instructor flashes how much time you have left each minute, which only increases my nervousness, and thus the speed of my speech. It seemed like I was going light speed, but I guess I really wasn't - I actually had to trim a little to fit everything in while I was up there. That means that you folks are the only ones to get the original, uncut version. Lucky you!

Update 2: Dr. Brennan graded uber-quick; turns out I got 100% on this speech, which is 2 for 2 in this class. Awesome comments too.